How Beautiful the Blood

Jace's headstone came in last week and they got it set in the ground. We went by Sunday to see if it was there and it was. It looks absolutely beautiful. I find myself wondering what I was expecting from this little bit of closure. I sure don't feel any better about anything. But, this part of me is just so glad to have his name and picture there where we said goodbye to the little body we took care of so fervently. I don't know if those red curls and those big blue eyes will greet me in heaven or if he will look totally different and I will only recognize him by his irreplaceable little spirit. I miss that little face and that beautiful hair. I'm sure he will look the same but completely different all at the same time. It was perfect timing that the headstone came in when it did. I didn't want to do Thanksgiving and Christmas with an unmarked grave. I went out there today and took some pictures. I put one where I hadn't decorated it so you could see how beautiful it looked without the glare on it. Then I put one with the flowers I put out and the Christmas tree that his sister helped me decorate. 

At church on Sunday, we sang "How Beautiful the Blood." We sang that song at Jace's funeral and since then it has taken on a whole new meaning for me. I am so indebted to my precious Jesus. It takes my breath away to think about how much he loves me, that He spilled his beautiful blood, that I might be reunited with my precious baby boy when this life is over. If it weren't for my Jesus, I would never see that precious treasure again. Thankful doesn't even begin to cover how I feel about Jesus. I am walking with Him through this terribly hard journey and knowing that He has never forsaken me. I am not alone and the best part is, I am FREE to have a deep, intimate relationship with my creator. All because of Jesus Christ! Thank you Jesus for the amazing way you love me and my family. 

We are gearing up for Thanksgiving this week. Pray for us, we miss him so badly. Pray that we will let God heal our hearts through this holiday and that he will be able to accomplish His purpose this week. Pray for peace and strength as we do this first Thanksgiving without him. We are thankful for all of our wonderful friends that love and support us through this really hard time!! We love you all!

Lydi

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!

Okay! We had our ultrasound this morning and it was really long. She was very thorough and she made sure she could see everything. We are probably going to go back and see if we can see few things a little better but, we are having a BOY!!! He definitely has a little extra part of anatomy! We are really excited. We are praying that we know just how to handle all of this emotionally and it does make things a little different to know that it's a boy. We are praying against the enemy trying to lie to us and get us to compare or make us feel like we are replacing him. Nothing could ever replace that precious little man. I know that it will just continue the healing process in such a unique way. We are so thankful for this little guy growing inside of me and praying that he will be whole and healthy, but more that anything, he will be just who God intended him to be. Just like Jace was. We miss him so very much. We know he is celebrating with us today and so excited about his new baby brother. We are trying to decide between Jett Richard and Jett Rocky. We know we love Jett and we know we want the boys initials to be the same. It will be a sweet tribute to Jace, I think. Anyway, let me know which one you like better. Love you all!

Lydi 

Really fast. We are actually getting ready for bed. We were supposed to have our ultrasound on December 1st but I went in today because I was having some trouble with my thoughts running away with me and so I went to hear the baby's heartbeat. It was perfect, 151. Anyway, Dr. Hall asked me if I wanted to have my ultrasound this week. She knows I have been stressing a lot and she said if it would make me feel better, that I could have it early. I said  of course!! So, long story short, I have my ultrasound at 9 in the morning!! I will have to post tomorrow afternoon while Court is napping and let you all know!! 

Lydi

Happy Birthday Court!!!

Today is Courtlynn's third birthday! We had a wonderful day. Rocky takes off work for all of our birthdays and we just celebrate the whole day. We got up this morning and went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. We ate and looked around the store then went to the mall and played mini golf. Court played for a long time at the playground at the mall. We got her a special jewelry box that has a dancer inside and plays a sweet little song. We got her that from her Bubba. She is missing him a lot lately and we thought it would be good for her to have a present from him. Just for her to know that he knows today is her birthday and that he still thinks about her. That he is still real and he is really with Jesus. It was really good for her! We ate dinner at Pei Wei, her choice, and then we came home and had a cookie cake from Eileen's! We watched the new Tinkerbell movie she got for her birthday. It was a really fun day.

She had her birthday party at Pump it Up on saturday with her friend Kya. It was so fun. They had been looking forward to it for so long and they were exhausted when it was finally over! She, of course, got way too many toys and is just having a ball with all of her new things! 

We are so thankful for the weekend and the blessing of having her here with us. We are so much more aware of how quickly life can change and how awesome it is to be able to have another day to love on your family and friends! We are missing our little man and thinking about all the fun things he is doing with Jesus. God is Good!

Lydi

Makeup!

Okay so its been a week since I updated. I have been running crazy trying to get all the stuff together to close on the house in two weeks. Its pretty crazy that we are closing that soon and that Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner. 

Its been a pretty hard week. My friend Kacie's little boy had open heart surgery on the 10th. He is only 5 months old. We have been praying for him and praying that the Lord will work through this surgery to completely heal him. It was hard to see the pictures she put up of him intubated and in that big bed looking so tiny. They went back to the PICU after the surgery and they were right next door to the room Jace was in. It was so crazy all the memories that brought back. They are very blessed to have their little boy still, but they have a long road of healing ahead. They still need a lot of prayers!

It still seems really overwhelming that Thanksgiving is coming and that I have no control over how life just keeps moving. I have been listening to this song by Little Big Town, (they are a country group), called Lost. There is a part where he says, "While I'm still the world goes 'round so free, so cavalier." I feel like that a lot these days. I know that its just part of the whole process. I ache to hold him and smell his little smell.....

Well, sorry that my blog is so sad. its helping me to journal it though and work through the messy grief. I thought I'd end on a little lighter note. These are pictures of Court's new favorite thing to do. She comes in first thing in the morning and puts on my lipstick and eyeshadow. So far the only eye color she has found is blue.... Yikes. I'm not sure where she gets it considering that I don't wear makeup very much at all! Oh well! She's pretty cute huh?

Lydi

P.S. I just remembered I was going to tell everyone that I've been feeling the baby move a BUNCH. Just thought I'd share that little bit of exciting news! Love you all!

15 weeks today!

I had my appointment this morning at 9:45.  I got to take court with me this time and it was really fun. The nurse, I remember from Jace, has a hard time finding the heart rate early in the pregnancy. She tried for at least 10 minutes (or it felt like that long). She couldn't find it and had to send Dr. Hall right in to find it. She found it in about 3 seconds!!  It was right down on the left where I have been feeling movement so I guess that confirms that that is my little punkin that I've been feeling!!! It's crazy that I am already past my first trimester and well on my way!! We are having our ultrasound on Monday, December 1st. We will know right before we head out on our trip to New York. (We are driving to New York on December 2nd because Rocky is in his best friends wedding in Rochester on December 5th.)

Court is really excited and says that she is having a little sister. She is absolutely sure that its a girl. I guess we'll see in about 3 weeks!!! Talk to everyone soon!!

Lydi

More Changes!!

WOW! It has been a crazy couple of weeks. I put some pictures up of the Storybook Forest this year and I'm going to put some of her in her costume as soon as I can get the pictures loaded. We actually bought a house last week. We found a house in Seminole Point and we were advised by a some of our friends in the housing business that we should go ahead and buy before the end of the year. I guess they are getting ready to come down really hard on mortgage companies and its going to be hard to get a loan and stuff starting in January. We are closing on November 30th and they are staying there until December 30th, so they are paying the first house payment. We will probably move all of our stuff in on December 31st, but we are painting so we'll wait to set everything up until we get it all painted. 

I have my appointment on Friday morning and I will find out when I can have my BIG ultrasound to find out what we are having. It should be in the next couple of weeks. Its crazy that its already time to fin out. I am 15 weeks along on Friday. We are really excited that we'll be in the new house before the baby comes and be able to get everything all ready. 

I am getting everything all ready for Christmas. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it yet. We're setting our tree up tonight because we won't be able to leave it up for very long after Christmas. It is really strange to be doing all of our traditions and know that Jace won't be here. It's crazy how the pain changes from day to day. Sometimes, we miss him so bad that it takes our breath away. And other times it just aches so deep that we can hardly concentrate on anything else. I can't believe how badly I miss him and how incomplete we feel now. I guess that will probably never change. We know that he will get to have his 2nd Christmas with Jesus. I'm sure he will just be sitting in His lap all day. I know it will be better than any Christmas he could have had here. It doesn't change how much I wish he were here with me though. 

I'll let everyone know Friday night or Saturday when the ultrasound will be. We'll see!!

Lydi