One Year Ago Today

One Year ago today we said Goodbye to our sweet Jace Richard. I didn't know how long a year was truly until today. It has been a whole year, one of every holiday and milestone that I have already missed. I have missed watching him take his first steps and hearing him say mama and dada. I have missed his first birthday and will miss every one after this. I miss him so much! I can't even express how badly I ache to hold him and touch him and pull him close to me. I miss his smell and the little sounds he made. I miss just being his mama and the one that could comfort him better than anyone else.

But there are other things we missed as well. We missed having to have surgery on his hip and having him in a body cast for six months. We missed having to get him a wheelchair because he was getting too big for me to carry everywhere. I missed watching him watch other kids play and wonder why his body didn't work the way their's did. I am glad I missed those things and that Jace never had to endure those things.

As I reflect on the past year and also the events that brought us here, I am so grateful for every tiny moment I had with that precious little boy. I still wish every day that none of this had happened, but I am so glad that we trusted God to take care of him and that God had prepared our hearts for this very day one year ago, and we didn't even know it yet. Yesterday was a precious day. It was very bittersweet, looking at my sweet Courtlynn and holding my baby Jett and watching him smile, remembering how desperately I wanted to see a smile on Jace's face those last few months and just knowing that, someday when I get there and we are all together again, maybe it will make some sense then. And that even if it doesn't, I won't care because I will be in the presence of my sweet Jesus and with my little boy again. Thank you all for all of your support. All the calls and text messages and facebook messages make this all just a little bit more bearable. We are grieving still and will be forever in some ways. But we are purposing to allow God's healing and make new memories to go with the old ones. We love you all and one year later, God is Still Good!

Lydia