I'm realizing that the truth is not that we are safe from the evil world we were born into, but that we are safe in the arms of Jesus. That we are so unaware of how deep and wide and long his love is for us. I have not ever truly grasped the depth of the love that my savior has for me. I am learning, at least to try, to let go and jump with him. Knowing that whatever the outcome, I will be deep inside the overwhelming love of God. My kids are not my own and I am trying to trust Him with them too. The hardest part of that for me is letting go of all the questions that I still have for God concerning Jace. I have so many things that I just don't understand. I can only focus on them every once in awhile. The ache that I feel when I let my guard down and let myself think a lot about him is deeper than I could have ever thought possible. I can almost feel the way he felt in my arms but he is just out of reach for me. I know that it will never truly go away, but I am asking God to show me how to live the rest of this life he has for me in the rest and peace I know he wants for me to live in. I believe that what I am learning is that the key to living in that is truly grasping the depth of his love.
2 months ago