Four years ago last night, I held a little boy. I carried him around the bedroom while I fixed his milk and got his medicine ready. I watched him while he ate. I marveled at the miracle that it was that he could suck and swallow, suck and swallow, over and over. I put his little train jammies on his stiff, chubby legs. I rubbed his tight muscles in his feet. I put his little socks on. And I laid dow with him. He put his chubby leg up over my side and got as close to me as possible. He was immediately calm and relaxed. Completely at peace.I listened to him breathe. And we went to sleep. That was the last time. It was the last time I ever held him with life's breath in him. It was the last time I rubbed his feet. The last time I fed him. The last time I slept with him snuggled up next to me. It was the last time....
I've thought a lot the last day or two about the word hope. I read a blog from my sweet friend Mandy and she talked about the one strand of hope that tethered her.... I love the word tethered. I think of a rock climber tethered to one strand and climbing higher and higher, all the while trusting in one single chord. He has put his whole life, dreams, everything, into the trust of that tether. If it breaks, all is lost. Tethered.... that is what I am. I choose everyday to HOPE. That is my tether. Hope is so necessary to faith. It is the evidence of things HOPED for. Our HOPE is an anchor.... We are tethered to Him with a single chord of HOPE. And I am holding to the promise that He holds my world in His hands. I am choosing each day to climb higher up the mountain and put my everything into the HOPE that He is worthy of my trust. That He will not let me down. And that if I were to lose my footing, the fall would end with me still being held.
2 weeks ago